We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
