can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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