i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
