I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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