did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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