omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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