she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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