He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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