She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
