I didn't shave. On purpose
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
