My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
