the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
