how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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