so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
