My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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