My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
