Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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