Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
