Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
