I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just puked most of my soul out..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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