Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
