My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
