remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
