Whod you bang
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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