I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
