You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
