So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
