I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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