Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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