can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
