Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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