tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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