At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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