your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
