This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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