I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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