Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
