Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
