I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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