dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
