The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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