I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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