Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
