I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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