Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
