i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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