I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize