Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
