no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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