Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
