i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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