Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's always time for handjobs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
