Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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