Just fell off a train. Bad.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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