The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
