You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
