the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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