She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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