first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
