It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
