Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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