2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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