PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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