If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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