Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
