whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
