I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
