So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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