i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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