I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
