I think I died a long time ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
