he thought i was a dude.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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