I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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