ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
