I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
