I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
