He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
